The hard cell

Let's get this out of the way first. The Shawshank Redemption is a stone cold classic. Even though it barely made back its production budget when released in cinemas, it didn't take too long to become a universally loved favourite. But even classics can be prone to cliché, and Shawshank is no exception.

There's the wrongly convicted man, psychopathic guards, strip-search induction, weepy new fish, a corrupt warden, maggoty food and a kindly old-timer. It's like a lag's greatest hits compilation. Plus, of course, there's all the touching scenes of male bonding, as well as plenty more scenes of male touching. If you believe the movies, there are two guarantees when it comes to prison life - manicure kits covered in cake frosting, and more aggressive man-on-man action than one of Michael Barrymore's pool parties.

So far, so predictable. Surely there's another side to life in the lock-up, besides the rapey inmates and socks full of snooker balls? For an alternative view of prison life, try picking up the DVD boxsets of Prison Break. Admittedly, its over-reliance on 'deus ex machina' plotting made it about as believable as Ryan Giggs' marriage vows, but even so, there were moments of surprising authenticity in amongst the tattooed blueprints and hot prison doctors.

Sensing that the man-on-the-run plotting of season two was in danger of losing the show's core concept, the writers decided to send their heavily-inked hero back to the clink in his third outing. Only this time, he was going to be slopping out in Panama. Rather than dealing with corrupt staff, genius engineer Michael Scofield found himself at the mercy of the inmates who had taken over the prison during a recent riot. In Sona, the only armed guards were the ones who patrolled the perimeter, with everything else falling under the jurisdiction of Lechero, a Panamanian drug kingpin. Sounds ridiculous, but it turns out, the writing team was bang on the money.

According to a new report in the New York Times, in Latin America at least, penal reform means leaving the lunatics to run the asylum. San Antonio prison on Margarita Island in Venezuela might be surrounded with sharpshooters in watchtowers, but inside it's more like Club 18-30, just with fewer tattoos.

Outdoor pools, conjugal visits, Playboy murals and even a cockfighting arena - it's no wonder the island's many holiday makers are sure to include a day-trip to San Antonio as part of their itinerary. The one-way security checks are a big bonus: walk in empty-handed, and waltz out a few hours later laden with enough crack to keep Whitney Houston hitting the high-notes for a fortnight.

Under the benevolent leadership of Teófilo Rodríguez, inmates and their guests enjoy barbecues and whisky by the pool, plus cable TV and air-conditioning in their cells. Kids are welcome too, and there's an onsite photographer who can Photoshop you and your family into a variety of backgrounds. OK, so most of the prisoners are armed, either with AK-47s and M-16s, or BlackBerries for scheduling those all-important drug deals, kidnappings and murders. But at least you don't have to put up with a Thomas Cook rep trying to sell you eight hours on a catamaran, with a complimentary pork chop at lunchtime.

Forget about rehabilitation and reform, this is just a package holiday where the package happens to be wrapped in clingfilm and muled through the security checkpoint. And even if you do have to dodge the occasional grenade attack whilst visiting the infirmary, it still beats the shit out of Magaluf.

Does what it says on the fin

Although it's spent the best part of the last fifteen years being repeatedly voted as audiences' favourite film, The Shawshank Redemption was considered a flop when it was first released. Despite several Oscar nominations, the film's period setting, and the fact that it was a non-horror Stephen King adaptation, left most movie-goers pretty non-plussed about the prospect of a two-hour prison drama.

However, one of the most commonly-cited reasons for its theatrical underperformance was its title. If you're standing outside the box office, trying to decide which movie to spend your money on, is the phrase 'Shawshank Redemption' really going to motivate you to take a punt on a ticket? As an aside, consider how much worse it might have fared if the novella's original title, 'Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption', had been retained.

The issue of naming a film is a thorny one - how to build intrigue and interest, whilst making it clear to prospective audiences what they can expect. Recently, films like 'Snakes On A Plane' and 'Hot Tub Time Machine' have taken the opposite tack, ensuring that no-one would wander into a screening without knowing exactly what they're getting.

Now, it would be easy to blame this current trend for Ronseal-style naming conventions on the exponential dumbing down of entertainment. But actually, with movies now increasingly dependent on that all-important opening weekend, it's vital that they make a splash from day one.

Giving people an explicit idea of what a film is about, seems like a sure-fire way of guaranteeing bums-on-seats. But it also means that studios have an obligation to keep the promises they're making in their promotional campaigns.

So it's interesting to see that David Ellis, director of Snakes On A Plane, is taking a similar approach to naming his new movie as with his earlier ophidian epic. Originally developed as Shark Night 3D (hardly in the same oblique league as 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'), the film has been tentatively renamed 'Untitled 3D Shark Thriller'. At least no-one's in any danger of rocking up at Screen 3 expecting an insight into the criminal underclass in Brazil's favelas.

Ellis told NYMAG.com "I hated the original title... so at our weekly production meetings, I made everyone on the crew come up with names — CHUMS, FINS, TERROR ON THE LAKE — but they all seemed kind of cheesy. And so until I hear a better name, I like what we’ve got right now: UNTITLED 3D SHARK THRILLER The title says everything you need to know: 'We’ve got sharks.' 'It’s in 3D.' and, 'It’s a thriller.'" Suffice it to say, this justification may well prove to be the only logical decision in the entire enterprise.

An unnamed studio executive was also canvassed for his opinion and concurred with Ellis. Interestingly, this source (presumably remaining anonymous to protect his designated studio parking space) speculates that the only other option available to producers is the "highbrow" approach, which he describes as "From the people who brought you AVATAR, comes…". That's the kind of sophisticated thinking that makes Andrei Tarkovsky look like the director of Big Momma's House.

The other benefit of this new trend, is that film critics can save themselves the time and effort involved in watching a movie before reviewing it. I imagine a number of them are already sharpening their quills in advance of Untitled 3D Shark Thriller's impending debut. As for me, I'm off to take in a double bill of my favourite nineties blockbusters - I was thinking Killer Future Robot 2: This Time He's A Good Guy, paired with Bisexual Icepick Murderess.