Man's best friend-with-benefits

Change. That was Obama's election mantra, as he attempted to reawaken the U.S. from eight years of Bush-fuelled apathy and ignorance. It's fair to say that the great non-white hope has proven something of a damp squib since he was sworn in, but finally we're starting to see hints of the kind of progression he promised on the campaign trail.

'Don't Ask, Don't Tell', a divisive legacy of the Clinton administration, has been repealed at long last, and 95% of Americans will now have medical insurance coverage thanks to healthcare reform. In the quest for a more equitable society, it's not just humans who are set to reap the rewards - there's also change afoot for the animal kingdom, in Florida at least.

After two unsuccessful attempts, the Sunshine State's legislature has finally succeeded in passing an anti-bestiality bill, banning sexual activity between humans and animals. Incensed by a number of cases involving the violation of farm animals, Senator Nan Rich has been pushing for a change to the state's laws for two years.

Now, anyone who tries to get a little over-familiar with a four-legged friend will be charged with a first-degree misdemeanour. Unless, of course, the livestock was really asking for it, in which case they'll probably be let off with a caution.

Given the enthusiasm that the southern states have shown for drafting bills to outlaw gay marriage, it's curious to see Florida dragging its flip-flops for so long over an act which many bigots happily conflate with homosexuality. Many people have expressed surprise that bestiality wasn't already a crime in the state, wondering how people managed to turn a deaf ear to all that distressed bleating for so long.

Maybe the answer lies in Orlando, home to the world's densest concentration of anthropomorphised animals. Donald Duck has appeared in court for getting a little too frisky with one Magic Kingdom visitor, and don't even get me started on Minnie's short skirt and fuck-me heels. With such a sexualised animal population, it's hardly surprising that the lawmakers were willing to look the other way while Goofy got his freak on. Just think of how many Disney Dollars the state would lose if that special brand of animal husbandry was banned?

It remains to be seen whether the new bill's protections will exclude animals that drive cars or participate in laboured slapstick routines. For now, it's Florida's goats and horses who can breathe a sigh of relief, safe in the knowledge that neigh means neigh. 

What 'good old days'?

With the economy still looking about as healthy as a consumptive Brontë heroine, everyone's trying to find ways to stimulate their local economy.

Over in Florida, this has taken the form of a proposed tax credit for TV and film producers, designed to attract entertainment jobs to the sunshine state. However, the $75 million dollar incentive package comes with a catch - hardly surprising given the fact that it was proposed by the state's Republican house majority.

This would be a "family-friendly" tax credit, designed to encourage the production of wholesome entertainment with nothing more controversial than the occasional "Oh phooey" or a glimpse of shapely ankle.

Orlando-based representative Stephen Precourt spoke articulately about the proposed bill, saying "Think of it as like Mayberry. That's when I grew up — the '60s. That's what life was like. I want Florida to be known for making those kinds of movies: Disney movies for kids and all that stuff. Like it used to be, you know?"

Like most conservatives, Precourt sees life through revision-tinted spectacles. So he wants films to be made in Florida that would be 'suitable for a 5-year-old' with 'cross generational appeal' and 'a responsible resolution of issues'. You know, just like real life.

If Precourt had his way, producers handling material that includes smoking, sex, nudity or swearing would need to find somewhere else to shoot, since this content is defined as 'obscene' in the eyes of Florida law.

But here's where it gets a bit sticky - 'family values' only relate to certain kinds of families. More specifically, Precourt doesn't want anything that portrays 'nontraditional family values' to be shot in his backyard. He argued that he wasn't targeting the gay community with this rather specific wording, but when asked if a TV show with gay characters would qualify for the tax credit, he replied "That would not be the kind of thing I'd say that we want to invest public dollars in."

Thankfully, not everyone in Florida is quite so enamored with Precourt's proposal. Ted Howard heads up Florida Together, a coalition of 80 organisations that advocate for equal rights, and he's unhappy about the way that this bill will make some Floridians feel: “Real-life families come in all shapes and sizes. Marginalizing single-parent families, gay families and other non-traditional families by instituting 1950's-style movie censorship does nothing to support real-life families or help Florida's struggling economy.”

The biggest problem with all of this, is that the tax incentive is based on the desire to depict a reality that never actually existed. As Gary Ross's underrated 1998 movie Pleasantville argued, the TV shows of the 50s and 60s were entirely unrepresentative of the world in which they appeared. The real world might not always be pretty, but it sure beats the hell out of sticking your head in the sand and pretending you're one of the Brady Bunch.