Oh grow up

Who'd want to be the child of a celebrity? Sure, there's the elaborate birthday parties, famous godparents and exotic overseas trips. Plus, you'll never have to go out in clothes that you made yourself in a home-economics class.

But then there's the other side of having parents who regularly feature in Entertainment Weekly. From the moment you're born, you'll endure enough flash photography to trigger an epileptic seizure, and have your every move scrutinised by a voracious media.

Just look at Suri Cruise - she's endured more wardrobe critiques than Lindsay Lohan, and she's not even in school yet. Having said that, little Suri will be kicking up those controversial kitten heels in delight, now that the press have finally found another A-list toddler to go after.

Life & Style Magazine ran an outrageous story last week claiming that Angelina Jolie is encouraging 'transgender' behaviour in one of her Benetton brood. According to the trashy tabloid, little Shiloh's short hair and gender-neutral clothing is a sure sign that she is being "repressed". They even drafted in a panel of experts to condemn "Shiloh’s shocking new look and masculine behavior.”

Here's a shocking news flash - kids like to dress up. Cowboy hats, fairy wings, superhero costumes - they're all fair game when you're a pre-schooler.

Maybe someone should have pointed this out to the editorial team at Life & Style they asked for expert opinion. Alana Kelen, senior fashion stylist at VH1 commented “Shiloh is pushing the boundaries of a tomboy look and crossing over to cross-dresser territory", whereas celebrity stylist Gili Rashal-Niv went one further, stating "I get that times are tough but does Angie really need to have Shiloh sharing clothes with her brothers? Hopefully we won’t be seeing Maddox in one of Shiloh’s dresses any time soon.”

With the concept of cross-dressing and gender displacement thus established, the magazine was then able to rope in a comment from foaming-at-the-mouth conservative group Focus on the Family, who can always be relied upon to kick someone when they're down (and claim religious freedom as they do it). Glenn Stanton, director of the group's Family Formation Studies expressed his concern for the children: "They need help, they need guidance of what that looks like. It’s important to teach our children that gender distinction is very healthy.”

Unfortunately, what no-one seems to be paying any attention to, is what Shiloh herself wants. When he recently appeared on Oprah, Brad told the housewives' President that his daughter would only respond to boys' names. “We’ve got to call her John. 'Shi, do you want…' she would interrupt with 'John. I’m John.' I’ll say, ‘John, would you like some orange juice?’ And she goes, ‘No!’”

It's far too soon to know who, or what Shiloh will grow into. But it's good to know that she has parents who are happy to indulge her, as she explores the kind of child she wants to be. Not everyone's that lucky.

Raised expectations

For the last 25 years Tom Cruise has been at the top of his game, ever since he first danced in his underwear to Bob Seger's 'Old Time Rock n Roll'. In the decades that followed, he managed to find crowd-pleasing roles that enabled him to stretch his skills whilst continuing to up his cost-per-movie. But as his star rose, his accessibility seemed to fade, reaching a nexus point where he became more icon than human being.

After failed marriages to Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman, he surprised the world (and Oprah in particular) when he declared his love for ex-Dawson's Creek alumnus Katie Holmes, in a gymnastic display of couch abuse that would have DFS workers crying into their scatter cushions.

When Katie announced that she was pregnant, cynics expressed surprise that Tom had it in him, or more importantly, that he ever had 'it' in her. But nine short months later, out popped Suri with a full head of hair (and probably an agent).

Now, three years later, Suri is back in the public eye, and she's certainly making the most of her profile. Displaying a tabloid-friendly persona that makes Paris Hilton look like Nell, the toddler has got the tabloids falling over themselves to cover her every move.

The current media obsession is with Suri's footwear, since recent photos have showcased a shoe collection that would make Sarah Jessica Parker consider infanticide. Questions are currently being asked about whether it's appropriate for a three year-old to be wearing 'high heels', despite the fact that the shoes themselves are about as high as an Osmond at a Christening.

Of course, it doesn't help that Tom and Katie have also allowed Suri to experiment with lipstick, nail varnish and accessories, as well as swigging from a Starbucks cup. Maybe it's not appropriate for a pre-schooler to try out make-up or develop a caffeine dependency.

The thing is, children have always tried to emulate their parents' behaviour. Little girls will always want to copy the things they see grown-ups doing, from tottering around in ill-fitting heels to applying mascara and picking out handbags. I just think it's nice that Tom is prepared to share that kind of quality time with his daughter.

Despite all the media coverage, there is a silver lining to this story - other than the fact that Suri is likely to develop the calf-muscles of an Eastern European shot-putter. Not only has Katie Holmes managed to win the argument about her daughter's education, Suri is also likely to hold on to the coveted title of 'hottest tot' - possibly the most inappropriate accolade anyone could hope to achieve.