Dressed to distress

I miss Points Of View. I know it's still on, buried somewhere in the Sunday afternoon schedule, but there was a time when it was real must-see TV. 

For those of you too young to remember its heyday, the show gave BBC viewers the chance to write in and vent their spleens about the channels' output. Although Esther Rantzen, Barry Took and Anne Robinson are no longer sitting patiently whilst paid-by-the-hour actors read out a series of irate missives from 'disgusted of Tunbridge Wells', the spirit of the show is alive and well.

But if current presenter Jeremy Vine isn't your cup of tea, you can thank heavens for the Daily Mail, which gives those solitary voices of discontent an alternative forum for sharing their outdated, flat-Earth views of Auntie's programming. The newest controversy to "cause a storm" on the network comes in the form of an inappropriate outfit during BBC One's Countryfile.

But rather than a pair of crotchless knickers on BBC Breakfast, or a low-cut party dress on Songs of Praise, the offending ensemble was a relatively inoffensive sweater and a pair of jeans. On the not entirely unappealing form of Tomasz Schafernaker.

Admittedly, Countryfile is a show aimed at the elderly, infirm and terminally rural. Even so, it's remarkable to think that anyone could be "upset" by the idea of a casually dressed weatherman.

However, viewer Stephen Jones, 35, disagrees. He told reporters (on a slow news day, presumably) "I thought I had tuned into Newsround or Blue Peter for a minute when I saw the main presenter wearing jeans and a jumper. I've heard of having dress-down days before but I didn't think the BBC went in for that. When you are presenting to the nation, especially on the BBC, surely you should look as professional as possible, not like someone who's just come in from off the street."

It's hard to understand how anyone could be offended by a V-neck sweater. He was even wearing a poppy, for Christ's sake. But since we're talking about the Daily Mail here, I'm willing to put my disbelief on hold. 

They love any opportunity to bash the BBC, and run through all of Tomasz's previous run-ins with the powers that be. He accidentally forecast "muddy shite" for Glastonbury, and in 2007 referred to the Outer Hebrides as "nowheresville". Maybe he should be sacked for being accurate - that's not what we expect from our weather forecasters. 

To be fair, weather presenters are notorious for showcasing less personality than an unbranded muesli bar. As his recent 'obscene gesture' showcased, at least Schafernaker has a playful sense of humour. Not to mention a rack that you could dry your dishes on. 

If anyone wants to complain about the BBC, perhaps they should be writing letters of protest about the decision to switch the telegenic Schafernaker to radio. 

Jesus loves her - it's a start

Carrie Prejean has been back in the news recently, promoting her rush-released autobiography that pitches her as a modern day Jeanne D'Arc, a heroic young woman persecuted for her faith. Carrie first thrust herself into the public consciousness when she inadvertently painted herself as the slutty poster child for the 'traditional marriage' movement in this year's Miss USA contest.

Carrie had originally been crowned Miss California, but lost her glittery title for alleged breach of contract. However, the perky pageant princess argued that she was being discriminated against on religious grounds and filed a libel suit against the contest organisers. Although she was happy to portray herself as the victimised innocent, Carrie was also quick to leverage her time in the spotlight into a semi-permanent media role as a spokesbimbo for the groups wishing to outlaw gay marriage.

Pageant officials weren't too happy about being sued by a woman whose funbags they'd paid for, especially one with all the likeability of Uday Hussein, so they countersued to recoup the costs of Carrie's augmented assets.

Last week the case was finally settled out-of-court, as it emerged that the pageant officials had a copy of a sex tape featuring the imbecilic ingenue. According to those who've seen it, and not jabbed their eyes out with knitting needles, the video features Carrie giving a solo performance that was intended for her boyfriend at the time. Reports suggest that there are also other 'materials produced by her in the same period that were similarly erotic in nature'.

Clearly, Carrie's adventures in auteurship don't do her 'holier-than-thou' reputation any favours, which explains why the lawsuit was dropped quicker than a blind juggler's balls. Still, Carrie has a book to plug, which explains why she appeared on Larry King Live holding up a copy of 'Still Standing' like a guest presenter on QVC.

Larry clearly hadn't read the handling notes that came with his guest, and made the mistake of interviewing her instead of simply turning the camera on and instructing her to sell hard. Carrie was so incensed by Larry's probing (her video proves that's something she prefers to do for herself) that she repeatedly called him "inappropriate" and attempted to unhook her microphone.

Sadly, she wasn't smart enough to realise that 'storming out' involves leaving one location and traveling to another. Instead, she sat at the interview desk smiling like a lunatic and pretending she couldn't hear Larry's questions.

But not all interviews are so unpleasant for the sanctimonious strumpet. She was much happier to be interrogated by the nice folks at Christianity Today, who asked how she reconciles her cosmetic surgery with her traditional beliefs. Her informed response: "I don't think there's anything wrong with getting breast implants as a Christian. I think it's a personal decision. I don't see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn't get breast implants." Oddly enough, the Bible also made no mention of gay marriage, but that didn't stop Carrie using it to condemn the concept.