Deeper and deeper

When it comes to the great thinkers of our time, several prominent names spring to mind.

There's Noam Chomsky, the linguist, philospher and political activist. Or how about Richard Dawkins, the ethologist, evolutionary biologist and science author? And don't forget Germaine Greer, the bra-burning, John McCririck-troubling feminist.

Chin scratchers and pontificators of the world rejoice, for another eminent name can now be added to those esteemed ranks. So far, her literary canon only extends as far a single volume of memoirs, but give her time. After all, she's not even legal for another eight months.

She's only 17 but Miley Cyrus is already an influential thought-leader - regularly courting controversy the way Ashley Cole attracts skanks. As a post-feminist icon, Miley embodies the conflicting duality of modern teenage life.

Whether she's posing for 'Lolita'-style pictures, pole-dancing on an ice cream cart, or encouraging her nine-year old sister to look like the female Gremlin, Miley knows how to stimulate ideas. Even if those ideas are "what were her parents thinking?" or "Someone get Gary Glitter on the phone."

Rather than the randomly inconsistent behaviour of a pubescent girl with a massive marketing budget behind her, Miley would like it to be known that she's very much in control of her own destiny. Because, it turns out, she and new boyfriend Liam Hemsworth are "deeper than normal people".

In a new interview with Teen Vogue, the toothy temptress revealed that the two lovebirds found an instant rapport on the set of weepie 'The Last Song', thanks to their mutual maturity and depth of thinking about, you know, stuff:

"He definitely showed chivalry: I remember him opening the door for the director, and I was like, Wow. He's very grateful for what he has, but he doesn't let it go to his head. I'm like that too."

Like all great philosophical minds, Miley understands who she is and why she's successful. Or, at least, the singer-actor-model-songwriter thinks she does: "It's refreshing to work with an actor who isn't also a singer and dancer and musician and artist and this and that. I'm sick of quadruple threats who do everything when they should stick to one thing."

Perhaps Miley should try sticking to one thing too. Just so long as that one thing isn't talking.

Just say 'Noah'

One of last year's most beautiful and compelling movies was The Curious Case of Benjamin Button? Based on a (very) short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald, the film told the story of a man who aged in reverse - beginning his life as a little old baby and ending it as a youthful geriatric.

Although critics raved over the astonishing aging effects, it failed to register with many viewers on account of its preposterous premise. However, it only takes one look at Miley Cyrus' little sister Noah to realise that maybe David Fincher's fantasic fable wasn't quite so far fetched after all.

Given that she's only just turned ten years old, it's hardly surprising that she's yet to make as much of an impression on popular culture as her super-famous sibling. But all that's set to change as Noah and her cousin prepare to launch a clothing range that will bring their 'unique' sense of style to pre-teens everywhere.

Noah first raised eyebrows back in October, when she appeared at a Hallowe'en party with Emily Grace Reaves, looking like refugees from a documentary about child sex trafficking. Hallowe'en is all about celebrating horror, but this particular nightmare was just a little too real.

So if you'd like your kids to be more Lolita than Little Orphan Annie, you'll be delighted to know that you'll soon be able to send them off to the playground dressed like they're auditioning for the Folies Bergère.

Teaming up with the creepy sounding 'Ooh! La, La Couture', the girls have created a collection in a "trendy, sweet, yet edgy feel..." with a range of "versatile styles that can be worn with sweet ballerina slippers, funky sneakers or paired with lace stockings and boots for more of a rock and roll look.”

Aside from the whole 'sexualisation of children' issue, the real concern here is the fact these kids look awful. Noah seems to be learning make-up tips from Courtney Love, and fishnets and French maid outfits should never be seen outside of an Ann Summers window display. Then again, if the Cyrus family are willing to sell their kids on the open market, maybe they just figured they should dress them appropriately...