Oops, Disney did it again

Being a child star is a tough business. All that pressure and adulation from an early age, temptation at every corner, and parents who are more interested in your earning potential than homework and bedtime.

The latest casualty of the celebrity conveyor belt is Demi Lovato, star of 'Camp Rock', Disney's outdoorsy alternative to its 'High School Musical' franchise. Like many other Disney alumni, Demi's real-life exploits don't quite correlate with her house-of-mouse persona.

As far as the public were concerned, the raciest thing she'd ever done was perform close harmonies with the Jonas brothers. So everyone's Mouse ears pricked up when it was revealed six weeks ago that Demi had checked herself into rehab for 'emotional and physical' issues.

Given the nebulous explanation offered to the press, it's hardly surprising that speculation was rife about what could have triggered the breakdown. It didn't take too long to find a paper trail that looked an awful lot like a rolled up banknote, or the photos of Demi on her way to Miley Cyrus' birthday accidentally revealing some self-harm scars on her inner arm.

All of Demi's close friends rushed to the nearest paying journalists to reveal the gory details of her bad break-up with Joe Jonas (too much alliteration in that sentence). They described her as a tortured mess; a claim that was soon backed up when it emerged that Demi had punched one of her tour dancers and given her a black eye.

But the final straw was the one rumoured to spend most of its time up her nostril, as a Texan college student called Brian Payne told Life & Style magazine that Demi had coke-snorting skills that would put Lindsay Lohan to shame. He said "I just remember her doing it [cocaine] as if she had been doing it for a long time. It didn't seem like something new to her."

With her career in tatters while she's barely old enough to buy the alcohol she's so fond of "chugging straight from the bottle", and a rumoured sex tape on the horizon, it's clear that Demi needs all the help she can get.

But forget about therapists, psychologists and trained counsellors. Disney has decided that the best person to guide their ever-growing stable of pubescent cash cows is ex-Mousketeer Britney Spears. They figure that because she had a meltdown so epic that it affected oceanic currents, she's best placed to advise future starlets on how to avoid the pitfalls of fame.

According to one studio insider, "Justin [Timberlake] and Britney have been asked if they would like to come in and speak to their younger counterparts about the tribulations of being famous so young. The Disney bosses think that if they have people to look up to they might stay on the straight and narrow."

Failing that, Britney can at least give them tips on how to accessorise a shaven head or attack an SUV without damaging an umbrella. She may be stuck in rehab, but perhaps Demi has had a lucky escape. 

She likes it but she gonna put a lid on it

Oh dear - looks like it's the end of an era for lovers of modern dance routines. It's been reported today that Beyoncé Knowles has grown tired of her iconic dance routine for 'Single Ladies' and is considering dropping the bootylicious bop from any future live performances.

It's hard to believe that the now legendary video is only 12 months old. It used to be said that Superman and James Bond had achieved such global fame that you could visit the most remote village in the world and the people there would recognise the fictional characters. Beyoncé's video is a little like that. I'm sure there are isolated tribespeople living in Terra Indigena Kampa e Isolados do Envira who have already mastered the sassy routine.

Despite Kanye West's belief that Beyoncé "made one of the best videos of all time" - it's still deceptively simple. A plain white set, three women in heels and a camera that shifts around like a dog trying to find the most comfortable position on a cushion.

The problem with great ideas though, is that they're so easy to imitate. As a result, anyone with access to a pair of heels, a leotard and a video camera has made their own version of the clip.

Justin Timberlake, Joe Jonas, even Liza Minnelli's had a go. They might not be able shake their ass like they're strapped to the agitator of an out-of-control washing machine, but most of them give it a good go.

Unfortunately, Beyoncé doesn't want to be part of the joke anymore. Digital Spy quotes a source as saying "Beyoncé loves the fact the video and the routine have been so huge and has really enjoyed performing 'Single Ladies' live but that’s it now, she's moving on. She doesn't want to be part of a long-term joke..."

Sad faces all round, since it means the end of amazing virals like this:



But maybe it was always destined to be this way. As the lady herself sings in the song - "Cuz you had your turn, but now you gonna learn what it really feels like to miss me..." Beyoncé, we already do...

Is this microphone on?

Ever since they first met on the set of Disney's Mickey Mouse Club, Britney and Justin have been in and out of each other's lives. By the late nineties, they were spending so much time at the top of the charts that they could have claimed squatters' rights and stayed there indefinitely. They also made an appealingly perky couple, and often talked about their infatuation for one another.

However, their inevitable break-up drove a huge wedge between the onetime Mouseketeers, with Britney hitting the burritos and Justin reinventing himself as everyone's favourite wonderbread R&B star. But after all this time apart they've both been in the news this week, thanks to their inimitable vocal stylings; one for the sounds they make, the other for the sounds they don't.

After an epic meltdown worthy of the closing moments of Terminator 2, Britney's big comeback caused a bit of a stink on the X-Factor last year. Not only did she seem oblivious to the fact that she was appearing on a talent show, her perfomance involved little more than stamping around a stage in a pair of hotpants, and jabbing her finger at Brian Friedman's dance troupe. Now it seems that her live appearances are getting her into hot water all over again.

She's just landed in Australia on her world tour, but not everyone's happy about it. The Australian government is worried that Britney's fans are being duped into paying over the odds to see a singer who's microphone isn't even switched on.

Virginia Judge, the aptly named Minister for Fair Trading for New South Wales, wants to ensure that people know what they're letting themselves in for when they pay up to $1,300 per ticket. Although Judge has the public's best intentions at heart, it's safe to assume that few people will be buying Britney tickets in the hope of hearing a kick-ass vocal. It's a bit like going to McDonalds with a taste for lobster bisque.

But Justin's voice has also been hitting the headlines this week, for very different reasons. In his quest for silver screen superstardom, Justin has signed up for his biggest movie role yet. Although it's one that may take some of his fans by surprise.

Following hot on the heels of the Scooby Doo franchise, a big screen movie about ursine picnic basket-stealer Yogi Bear has been greenlit, with JT signing on to provide the voice of permanently perturbed sidekick Boo Boo.

Although Justin showed off his comedic chops in Mike Myers' recent flop The Love Guru, it's hard to tell whether he's likely to be successful as an anthropomorphic bear cub.

Still, I can't help but wonder whether the producers missed a trick when it came to casting. Since Boo Boo's outfit consists solely of a little blue bowtie, they might have tried out a different R&B singer in the role. After all, CGI is pretty expensive, and Chris Brown could have at least provided his own wardrobe.